Third Time Lucky!

You know the saying “it happens in threes”? Well I firmly believe in that. The only thing is, in my situation, these challenges were spread over a period of time. What I am about to share I am doing because I know that there are others out there who have gone through similar or worse experiences and I hope that this will encourage them (as it did me) to speak out about it and not bottle it up inside.

After the second accident, we decided that we would not purchase a second car. Instead, we decided to save on costs and use one vehicle between the two of us.

It was exactly 12 months and 1 week after the second car accident. I’ll never forget that morning. I woke up feeling tired as Ivery was working a night shift, so I was a grass widow for the week, sleeping alone in a huge bed. What bliss!!! NOT!!! My 4 month old baby girl had woken up at about 6.30am that fateful morning and was extremely irritable. (That's her and my mother, a woman with great knowledge, wisdom and faith.)


At about 7.00am, our house phone rang ...

Me : Good morning.
Caller : Bernadette, it’s Ma (my mother-in-law). Is Ivery home yet?
Me : Hi Ma, no he’s not. He should have been home by now, but maybe he’s been caught up at work. It’s really unusual that he hasn’t called to let me know. I’ve tried his cell, but there’s no answer. I’m sure he’ll be home soon.
Ma : I don’t want to alarm you, but I’ve just heard on the E-news
channel that there was an accident on Ou Kaapse Weg (the same road that Ivery had his last accident). It was a white car and a 4x4. Please call me and let me know if he’s alright.
Me : Was there any visuals? Did you see the car?
Ma : No sweetheart, but I’ll call the police station and call you
back.
I hung up the phone with a cold feeling running through my veins. Was it happening again? Is this what my family was being prepared for? Sylvia, my nanny arrived shortly after that phone call and she told me how terrible the traffic was along the road to get to our house. I asked her if she had driven past the accident scene and she stated that she had looked away as she could not handle the sight of the crash.

The phone rang again ...

Me : Hello.
Caller : Bernie, it’s me (my sister-in-law). I just spoke to the police
and they are checking to see what car it is. Here’s their
number..
Me : Thanks, I’ll call them now.
I contacted the police station and the officer in charge confirmed that it was a white BMW 328i that had been involved in the accident with a Ford Montana. I needed to ask the question ...

Me : Please tell me what the registration number of the car
is?
Officer : CA426825 (if my memory serves me correctly).
My body when cold. I just about mustered up enough strength to say “Thank you” and I put the phone down. I tried my husband’s cell again. Still there was no answer. What was going on? I needed to know what was going on. Why was this happening again? Had I been such a rebellious teenager that this was God’s way of repaying me for all the stress I had caused my parents? It can’t be happening again, it can’t be!!!

The picture you see on the side is what appeared in the local community paper. That is the car that he had to be cut out of. His guardian angels were surrounding him during this. I take strength from this picture each and every time I look at it.


I called my mother-in-law to tell her what I had just found out. After putting the phone down, it rang again ...

Me : Hello
Caller : Hi Berns, it’s me.
IT WAS IVERY, THANK GOD, HE’S ALIVE!!

Me Boks, are u ok?
Ivery Can’t really talk as I’m kinda strapped up and in a bit
of pain. They’re taking me the hospital now.
Paramedic : Hi Mrs West. Your husband was involved in a head on
collision with a 4x4 about 1½ hours ago. We’ve just got
him out of the car. His injuries are pretty serious, but
we’ll be able to get a better picture once we get him to
the hospital. Do you have transport to meet us at the
hospital? I can send a vehicle to collect you at your
home if you like.
Yet again, guess who was at the accident scene ... Byron.

Byron : Hi Bernie, don’t worry, I’ll come and fetch you. I’ll be
there in 15 minutes. Okay, see you later.
Me : Ok, bye.
Auto pilot kicked in and off I went to get my daughter ready for school and myself for the day ahead. I went down on my knees and I ask for patience with my children and for strength to be strong for my family and for us to get through this yet again.

Byron picked me up and took me straight to the hospital. I don’t remember much about the conversation on the way as my mind was working overtime. When I arrived at the hospital there were so many family members there, I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to scream, cry, sob, just absolutely lose it ... but I didn’t ... and I was calm yet again. The emergency staff showed me through to where he was laying. What a sight. He had a neck brace on with a head splint as well. Both his legs were in splints and he was on a drip. I couldn’t touch him ANYWHERE because the pain was too great.

His mother and father were standing at his bedside when I got there. When he knew it was me, all he could say was “Sorry babes, I’m so sorry for putting you through this again.” And I’m thinking, you’re apologising to me!!!! For what?? You haven’t done anything wrong!!! I tried to reassure him and tell it was going to be ok. Again, he was worrying about my well-being and not worrying about himself.

That was one of the longest days of my life. He couldn’t move his legs. The driver of the other vehicle was okay apart from a few minor bruises and a brand new Ford Montana (delivered 4 days prior to the accident) being written off.

After having several scans and x-rays, it was ruled out that there were no major internal injuries. However, the fact still remained, that he couldn’t move his right leg. He was totally immobile. I could see the pain on his face every time the nurses checked his leg. If he could get up and kick them out of the ward he would have done so. I felt so helpless that I wasn’t able to do anything to help him or ease the pain that he was going through.

He was extremely emotional as the realization of the extent of the accident hit home for him. The fact that this time, there was another car, another person other than himself who had been affected and who could have possibly lost his life. He kept on beating himself up about falling asleep behind the wheel. I was so angry, not at him, but at the company he worked for. They were pulling 12 hour shifts with minimal time off and there was no work life balance. The age old South African work story, the more hours you put in, the less appreciation and more expectations.

Once the medication kicked in and he was sleeping, I quietly removed myself and made my way to the hospital chapel. I went down and thanked God for sparing my husband yet again. It was at that moment that I asked God that question ... “Why my family Lord? Why my husband?” What has he done to deserve this?” When I asked those questions and said my prayers, I knew it wasn’t over. I knew that this was going to be the longest road that we as a family were yet to travel.

Some of you reading this blog might be thinking, “Shame, I don’t think I would be able to handle what she’s gone through”; or, “Shame, she’s had a raw deal and her family have gone through such a lot.” I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again ... I’m not a pity party and I don’t want sympathy. What I want is this, to help those of you out there who ...

... think you’re on your own.
... question things that happen.
... doubt your ability as a mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, you get the picture?

Think about all those times ...

- where you’ve questioned certain things including your existence in this world.
- where you’ve asked for assistance (from a higher being) and wondered why it wasn’t happening fast enough.
- when you couldn’t explain the unexplained, but later it became clear to you.
- when you’ve wondered ... “What if?”

Remember ... we’ve all been placed here to fulfill a greater purpose. As I’ve said before, you do not have to be a deeply religious person to understand this. Make sure that your purpose will not just benefit you, but also those around you. I’ve learnt to not worry about the “What ifs?”, because they’re exactly that “What ifs?”. They didn’t happen, so why do I need to worry about them? Why do you need to put yourself through more unnecessary pain and agony?

Remember that things will always happen as they’re meant to happen. We all have a path that has been set out for us. The decisions that we make in our lives, are the bricks that pave the way towards our future. Things will always happen on His time and NOT on ours. Don’t question what He does, because He will push you to limits that you didn’t know existed within your soul and you know what? You will survive, because you’re strong and you can do it.

I don’t consider myself to be the strongest person in the world, but I do know this ... I will make a difference in society, no matter how big or small my contribution, I will do it. Ask yourself this ...

What can my contribution be?
How can I do it?
By when can I do it?

Now go out and make the difference that you know you can.